The Strange Tale of the Humble Carpenter
Script
Opening titles:
Market-place, tracking of the carpet merchant, carpet merchant gives someone a carpet. Tracking of customer through the market. Switch to track another person who walks through shot. Person veers off to the left; witch is standing where they were. Sudden rush of golden smoke coming from all around the camera, swirling. Title "The Strange Tale of the Humble Carpenter" glows into existence and then disperses with the smoke.
SCENE 1
Long-shot of carpentry shot – track towards carpenter slowly.
NARRATION There was once a small but handsome carpenter. He was all very well but for one thing – he could not speak. The good young carpenter did not even have a name because his only relative – his father, had died when he was very young and having no one to guide him, his name was dwindled away on the currents of his memory until it was but a whisper. And so the young carpenter suffered in desolate, desolate solitude, every day of his life.
Zoom out, establishing shot of carpenter behind his desk, dip to black.
Sound of pen scratching on paper
Close-up – Carpenter’s hands drawing a cow. Tilt up to carpenter’s face.
Sound of shop bell ringing above door.
Carpenter looks up, camera whip-pan to door.
YOUNG WITCH: (Walks through door towards carpenter)
Track towards carpenter
CARPENTER: (Drops pen)
Carpenter’s POV
YOUNG WITCH: (Bends down to pick up pen, gets back up and hands it to him)
Close-up BEV – Hands, Two-shot
YOUNG WITCH: (gasps)
Medium Close-up
YOUNG WITCH: Why my gracious goodness! Your hands! So clean and toned! So attractive! How did a mere shop boy come to have such hands?
Medium close-up – Carpenter.
CARPENTER: (Shakes head and points to tools on his desk)
Pan to tools and back up, zoom in to carpenter’s face
Extreme close-up – Young Witch
YOUNG WITCH: It’s you! You are the famous mute carpenter! Come! I must help you at once! Give me 1 strand of your hair and I shall cast a spell to fix the ailment of your speech!
Medium close-up – Carpenter, Label: “Tresemme” pops up to his hair, Extreme close-up – Carpenter’s
Head
CARPENTER: (Plucks a hair)
Two-shot
YOUNG WITCH: (Takes hair and swallows it whole.)
Carpenter’s POV
(Leans over counter and burps green smoke into Carpenter’s face)
Medium Close-up – Carpenter
CARPENTER: (Flaps hands wildly around his face, coughing, until smoke is gone) Da fuck!? Why you burp at me?! (Claps hands to mouth – embarrassed)
Two shot
YOUNG WITCH: I’m sorry you had to see that, noble carpenter. I trust your ailment is fixed?
CARPENTER: It... It is! However did you do it!? No wait... don’t tell me that! How can I ever repay you?!
Zoom in – Close-up - Young witch
YOUNG WITCH: I have been sentenced to death for a crime I did not commit, and on the last day of my life I have no one to spend it with.
Two shot
CARPENTER: Why, you must spend it with me! I will do anything you want! Please! Let me be your slave! Put me in a little box if that is what pleases you! Let me make your last hours, the best hours of your life, if it must end.
YOUNG WITCH: Will you not try to save me?
CARPENTER: ...That too...
Carpenter’s POV
YOUNG WITCH: Ok, I must collect my things, then we must make haste! To the House of Commons! We must protest! (Begins to walk away out of shop)
CARPENTER: Hurry back!
(Witch leaves shop)
Medium-long-shot – Carpenter
CARPENTER: (Sighs and sinks down, leaning on hand on desk)
Sound of shop bell, whip pan to door – Old woman coming through,
Medium Close-up – Carpenter
CARPENTER: Who the hell are you!? (Claps hands to mouth – embarrassed)
Carpenter’s POV
OLD WOMAN: Do not be embarrassed, I know you have only just grasped the ability to speak, and I will forgive your rudeness.
Extreme Close-up
I am the woman whose body was stolen by the witch you spoke to not three minutes ago!
Sound: Dun dun DUUUUNN!
Medium shot – Carpenter
CARPENTER: Wait... what?
Extreme close-up – Woman
OLD WOMAN: Thaaaat’s right!
Medium shot – Carpenter
CARPENTER: No...What? You can’t just say a statement like that and expect me to understand it.
Close-up – Woman
OLD WOMAN: Oh ok. But we must make haste; she wastes no time in her evil plans!
Close-up carpenter
CARPENTER: Evil!? Not that beautiful young woman!
Over shoulder – Woman
OLD WOMAN: Beautiful? Oh ho ho! By calling her beautiful, you flatter me! For she cursed me! This body you see before you belongs to her! She wears my real body only as a disguise!
Over shoulder – Carpenter
CARPENTER: Oh my god! Then it is you who committed the crime and so should die!
Extreme close-up – Woman
Two shot
CARPENTER: What did you do?
Over-shoulder – Woman
OLD WOMAN: I stole a yellow tandem bicycle.
Over-shoulder – Carpenter
CARPENTER: A yellow…tandem…bicycle…?
Quick zoom into Carpenter’s face – Carpenter voice-over thoughts.
CARPENTER: If this woman is who she says she is, she may just be the woman I’ve been waiting for my entire life! A yellow tandem bicycle! Now I can not only ride a yellow bicycle, but I can ride a yellow bicycle that can support me and a sexy lady comfortably!
Over-shoulder – Carpenter, Carpenter’s POV
OLD WOMAN: (Hit carpenter over the head with cane.) Ok, you believe me now!? Good. Now I must tell you, if the witch dies, even in my body, all of her evil powers die with her. All of the reversible ones anyway; butterfly effect, butterfly effect, etc. etc.
Over shoulder- Carpenter
CARPENTER: So you will once more be beautiful…?
Over-shoulder – Woman
OLD WOMAN: Yes, but you will lose the ability to speak, maybe forever.
Medium close-up- Carpenter
CARPENTER: Shit.
Shop bell rings, Whip pan to door (Old woman turn and step to left)
MCCARTNEY: (Shuffles forward a bit and smiles warmly)
Two-shot – Carpenter and Woman
Carpenter and Woman both sigh.
CARPENTER: It is just Old Man McCartney – he sent a stool in for repairs.
OLD WOMAN: Yes, very good. But the witch will be back soon! Let us make haste! (Begins to hobble away out of frame.)
CARPENTER: (Grabs raincoat from behind him and runs around the counter after her, out of frame.)
Track into front of shop – window
YOUNG WITCH: (Approach door)
Extreme close-up – door handle turning. Extreme close-up- Carpenter takes woman’s hand.
Extreme close-up – Carpenter
CARPENTER: RUN!
Over-shoulder (McCartney’s) – Woman and Carpenter
Woman and carpenter turn around and begin to make for the back – Carpenter is fast, woman hobbles slowly – Carpenter is pulled back
Crab tracking – Witch’s boots on floor, Over-shoulder – (Woman’s) Carpenter
CARPENTER: Come ooon, we must make haste!
Crab tracking – Witch’s boot, Medium shot – Carpenter and woman moving towards cam
CARPENTER: We’re not going to make it!
YOUNG WITCH: (Standing behind McCartney) Excuse me old man,
Carpenter and Woman turn to see their struggle
Medium-shot – Witch behind McCartney
You are in my way.
Close-up – Carpenter
CARPENTER: YES YOU BEAUTIFUL MAN!
Close-up – McCartney
MCCARTNEY: You can talk!?
Extreme close-up – Witch
YOUNG WITCH: Get out of my way!
Two-shot – Carpenter and Woman (From front of shop)
OLD WOMAN: Move!
Carpenter and Old woman turn and start hobbling towards back of shop
Tracking two-shot – Carpenter and Woman
CARPENTER: FUCK THIS SHIT! (Picks up Woman and waddles out of frame)
YOUNG WITCH: (Screams with rage and pushes over McCartney)
High-angle shot – McCartney
YOUNG WITCH: (Leaps over McCartney out of frame)
MCCARTNEY: (Twitches on ground)
Medium-shot – Back Door (inside)
CARPENTER: (Runs out of door carrying Woman)
Medium-shot – down alley
CARPENTER: (Exits building, carrying woman, turns and runs towards cam down alley)
OL D WOMAN: Put me down! Put me down at once! (Hits carpenter with cane)
Medium-shot – Back Door (inside)
YOUNG WITCH: (Walks very briskly to and through door
Medium-shot – down alley
YOUNG WITCH: (Exits building, stops)
Long-shot – Down Alley – Busy market square visible at other end.
Medium-shot – down alley at witch
YOUNG WITCH: (Looks very angry – begins to scream with rage)
Scene 2
In the very busy market place – hear distant scream of witch finish.
Close-up – side – Carpet Merchant is paid for a carpet. Shift focus to back-ground.
CARPENTER: (Runs through market and ducks out of frame next to carpet stall)
OLD WOMAN Put. Me. DOWN!
Hitting with cane SFX
Two-shot – Carpenter and Woman
CARPENTER: (Puts woman down) Alright, alright! Who took a shit in your curry!?
OLD WOMAN: (Brushes self off, looks at carpenter, hits him with cane and ducks into carpet hide-away)
CARPENTER: (Rubs head, follows woman into hide-away.)
Medium close-up
CARPENTER: (Enters hide-away and sits down) What are we to do!?
Over-shoulder – Woman
OLD WOMAN: I don’t know…
Over-shoulder – Carpenter
CARPENTER: But…surely if she is sentenced to death we must simply wait until she is executed?
Over-shoulder - Woman
OLD WOMAN: No… that’s too simple. She wouldn’t let that happen.
Two-shot
CARPENTER: Ah! So she would conjure some way to escape this, knocking down all in her path?
Over-shoulder – Woman
OLD WOMAN: Well… maybe. But there would be a lot of paper-work.
Medium-shot – Carpet hideaway from outside
CARPENTER: (Pokes his head out of hide-away)
Medium close-up
CARPENTER; (Ducks back in) She could be anywhere.
Close-up – Woman
OLD WOMAN: She could be everywhere.
Medium-Over-shoulder – Carpenter
CARPENTER: Shit.
C. MERCHANT: HEY!
OLD WOMAN: (Turns and looks at carpet merchant)
Low-angle shot – Carpet Merchant (Woman in foreground)
C. MERCHANT: You sit in carpets you buy carpets!
CUSTOMER: (Distracts Carpet Merchant)
C. MERCHANT: (Turns away to serve customer)
OLD WOMAN: (Turns back to Carpenter) Ok no tome! What’s the plan?
Two-shot
Carpenter and Woman both look around in search of inspiration, then slowly meet eyes.
Medium shot – Carpet stand – front
Carpenter and Woman bustle around to the front of the stand
Medium close-up – Carpet Merchant
C. MERCHANT: Hey! You buy carpet or I cut off your hand!
Over-shoulder – Carpenter
CARPENTER: No wait! We buy carpet! (Looks to side then beckons carpet merchant in)
Close-up two-shot
Carpenter and Carpet Merchant lean in
CARPENTER: Do you sell any… magic carpets?
Sudden hush in market place
Long-shot
C. MERCHANT: Heeey, what are you looking at!? Stop standing around like the lemon!
LEMON: But I am a lemon!
Medium shot – Fruit stall
FRUIT MAN: (Slaps lemon then awkwardly laughs)
Slowly re-gain noise
Over-shoulder – Carpet Merchant
C. MERCHANT: You meet me in alley behind the Tesco Metro in 10 minutes. (Motions for them to go away)
SCENE 3
In the alley behind Tesco Metro– Pan down from sky. Carpenter and Old Woman are in the alley.
Two-shot
CARPENTER: So, where are we to go with our carpet?
OLD WOMAN: I don’t know – even if we escape this place and elope to Guadalupe, we need the witch to reverse this curse, or die to do so.
CARPENTER: Could we reason with her?
Over-shoulder – Woman
OLD WOMAN: Pshh! Reason with her?! Don’t make me laugh! She’s rampant! She’s like a rabid chicken on speed! Have you ever reasoned with a rabid chicken on speed?
CARPENTER: No….
OLD WOMAN: Good! Cause it is not pretty!
Two-shot
Pause in reflection
CARPENTER: So. She must die. Weather she is executed or we kill her ourselves.
C. MERCHANT: Alright!
Medium long-shot down alley
C. MERCHANT: (Swaggers towards Carpenter and Old Woman) 1 magic carpet, MOT for 1 year.
Two-shot
C. MERCHANT: (Swaggers into frame next to them) Plus VAT… That will be €29.99
Carpet Merchant’s POV- Carpenter
CARPENTER: But… that’s just a towel…
C. MERCHANT: No… it’s a disguise isn’t it!? Can’t go selling magic carpets out in the open looking all magic, can I? You numpty. €29.99.
CARPENTER: …Do you have it in yellow?
Carpenter’s POV – Carpet Merchant
C. MERCHANT: Hey! What do I look like, the carpet man!? Wait, no don’t answer that. Just give me the money.
Two-shot – Carpenter and Woman – Carpet Merchant in foreground
Carpenter and woman rummage in their pockets and hold out their hands to show each other etc.
Carpet Merchant yawns and scratches his goatee.
OLD WOMAN: Do you take MasterCard?
C. MERCHANT: Only Visa Debit.
Another muttering to each other and scratching beards pause
CARPENTER: Oooh god! We’re 36 cents short!
Over shoulders (Carpenter and woman) – Carpet Merchant
C. MERCHANT: You have no the money!?No money – No carpet! I will cut off your hand!
Over shoulder – Carpenter and Woman
OLD WOMAN: Wait! Did you not know this is the famous carpenter? We’ll trade you a stool shaped like a crouching squirrel! That is more than a fair exchange!
CARPENTER: It’s worth over €100.95!
Over shoulders(Carpenter and Woman) – Carpet Merchant
C. MERCHANT: (Considers this) Eeehhh, you drive a hard bargain, but ok! It’s my nephew’s birthday soon. He loves squirrels!
Two-shot – Carpenter and woman, and Carpet Merchant
CARPENTER: You will pick it up from my shop?
C. MERCHANT: Yes ok.
Carpenter’s POV
CARPENTER: (Gets out a business card from pocket)
Two-shot
CARPENTER: (Hands Carpet Merchant a business card) We are open 9 til 5:30 on weekdays.
C. MERCHANT: (Takes card, nodding, still looking at card hands Carpenter the carpet and walks out of frame past cam)
CARPENTER: …Well that was easy. (Carpenter stays standing still while Narration speaks)
NARRATION: And so, taking the magic carpet, the carpenter and his young, old friend journeyed to the furthest edge of the town, taking shelter in the desert of Karahi
CARPENTER: To the desert of Karahi! (Walks out of frame)
SCENE 4
In the desert – the carpenter and the woman are sat huddled together by a fire, covered by the Carpenter’s raincoat.
Over shoulder – Carpenter
CARPENTER: Why is it she chose my shop? I was but a humble carpenter before this madness began.
Over shoulder – Woman
OLD WOMAN: Let me tell you my story…
Medium-close-up – fire in foreground slowly zoom in and unfocus
OLD WOMAN: It seems long ago that I was young and happy and beautiful. My life was all but perfect. I was a simple traveler,
Flashback
Unfocus transition – Young woman riding a bicycle through a field.
OLD WOMAN: having to worry about no one but myself and my bicycle.
Fade to close-up – Young woman’s hands holding another hand and circling the palm
OLD WOMAN: I would tell fortunes and sell my stories in exchange for food and shelter.
Pan upwards to show Witch
Woman’s POV – Carpenter
CARPENTER: She gave you shelter.
Over-shoulder – Woman
OLD WOMAN: Yes. And so foolish and so young, I trusted her. She cast the spell while I was sleeping, and I awoke only with this. Ugly. Ugly and worthless!
Two-shot
OLD WOMAN: I doubt I’ll live more than a month on this! I can feel this body dying beneath me.
CARPENTER: It will surely be ok in the end! (Puts his arm around the woman)
Carpenter’s POV – Woman
OLD WOMAN: You are a good man Carpenter.
Medium close-up - Carpenter
CARPENTER: And you are a good woman. We must defeat the witch and restore your body – I will not let you die.
Carpenter’s POV – Woman
OLD WOMAN: (Lean out of his arm) You may lose your speech forever!
Woman’s POV – Carpenter
CARPENTER: But that is a risk I am willing to take. You are beautiful. You deserve a body to match.
Medium two-shot
OLD WOMAN: You think I am beautiful even without my real body?
CARPENTER: I know you are.
Carpenter’s POV –Woman
OLD WOMAN: (Leans back, looks up to sky and breathes out) You know, the witch chose your shop for a reason. (Look at carpenter) she looked into my future and she saw you.
Woman’s POV – Carpenter
CARPENTER: (looks at her and smiles) Good. (Looks forward into fire)
Medium close-up two-shot
Pause…
CARPENTER: We cannot lose heart.
OLD WOMAN: You are right. We leave at first light tomorrow. (Lies down to sleep)
CARPENTER: (Turns and sees what she’s doing – he does the same)
SCENE 5
Desert at first dawn light. Carpenter is just waking up, alone in the desert.
Canted angle – Carpenter’s POV. Breathing SFX, Extreme close-up – Carpenter, zoom out slowly
CARPENTER: (Rolls over, looking for Woman)
Medium-long shot
CARPENTER: (Turns back, sits up, looks around, stands up)
Panning of desert, Close-up, stedicam, low-angle – Carpenter
CARPENTER: (Looks worried and confused, looks around, spinning in circle)
Long shot
CARPENTER: (Runs a few meters, stops, yells with anguish, turns around)
Over-shoulder
CARPENTER: (Walks quickly back to fire)
Low-angle shot
CARPENTER: (Picks up his stuff, and the carpet, and walks away through desert)
Over-shoulder
CARPENTER: (Still walking, climbs hill)
Medium side-shot
CARPENTER: (Drops carpet and climbs aboard)
Carpenter’s POV- controls on the flying carpet
CARPENTER: (Controls carpet)
Medium side-shot – Carpet rises into air, low-angle shot, carpet flies across sky,
Medium shot – Carpenter, Carpenter’s POV – Ground moving below him, medium low-angle – Carpenter
CARPENTER: (Looking for woman, gasps and swoops)
Over-shoulder (carpenter’s) Flying down, Old Witch’s POV – Carpenter landing, tracking, behind carpenter
CARPENTER: (Walks towards witch) Oh beautiful lady! I have found you at last! Do you know I’ve searched for almost 5 minutes!? I thought I’d lost you forever!
Close-up – Old Witch
OLD WITCH: Carpenter!?
Over-shoulder – Carpenter
CARPENTER: Yes! It is me! Now what do you think you were doing!? You could have been eaten by coyotes! Why did you leave me!?
Close-up – Witch
OLD WITCH: It is because… err… I err….. I love you
Close-up – Carpenter
CARPENTER: Love!? No one has ever loved me before! Not like this!
Over-shoulder – Witch
OLD WITCH: Err... yes. Well that is why I had to leave you,
Extreme close-up – Witch’s mouth
OLD WITCH: beautiful wonderful man.
Medium close-up –Carpenter
CARPENTER: But why?
Over-shoulder – Witch
OLD WITCH: Err… the witch! Yes! The witch. She is evil, so evil! I did not want for you to be hurt!
Reverse-zoom – Carpenter, Lovely harp music
CARPENTER: (Looks intensely happy and lovey)
Medium close-up – Witch, Pink tinted, slightly slo-mo
OLD WITCH: Turns and looks over her shoulder at the carpenter
SCENE 6
Suddenly cut to a dark alley – sudden scary clattery music. The young woman is just waking up in the dark alley.
Long-shot – Woman down alley.
WOMAN: (Lying on ground, stirs and turns head)
Medium close-up –Woman
WOMAN: (Turns and looks up at the sky, squinting
Woman’s POV – Sky, alley, long-shot, medium close-up
WOMAN: (Rubs temples and face)
Long-shot
WOMAN: (Stands up unsteadily, leaning against wall)
Side - Close-up
WOMAN: (Opens her eyes and looks down)
Woman’s POV – Looking down at her body
WOMAN: (Quickly raises hands to look at them)
Close-up – woman
WOMAN: (Raises head to look at camera) The witch! (Looks to side, to walk down alley) Carpenter! (Stumbles out of frame)
SCENE 7
The Carpenter and the Witch are walking through town in search of the Gypsy
Tracking – front view – carpenter and witch
OLD WITCH: So. Now that we have settled that we are in love, will you help me find and brutally kill the witch that stole my body?
CARPENTER: But of course! Anything for the woman with whom I am in… love! (Carpenter is dancing along behind the witch as they walk)
OLD WITCH: Good! Finally! We must scour the town!
Stop tracking – Carpenter and witch overtake cam, Close-up – someone pokes head out of window shadows of witch and carpenter move past, medium-shot – corner of an alley
Carpenter and witch round corner
CARPENTER: And such beautiful long hair and pretty eyes…
OLD WITCH: Keep up, Carpenter! We must find her!
Carpenter and witch stop
DRUNK MAN: Who is it you seek?
Medium close-up – drunk man
DRUNK MAN: I see many pass this way.
Two-shot – Carpenter and witch
CARPENTER: We seek a very bad lady!
OLD WITCH: (Slaps the back of the carpenter’s head) She is beautiful, wears the blackest velvet, and has the blackest heart.
CARPENTER: (Straightens up and adjusts his turban after being hit, then he nods in agreement)
Over-shoulders (carpenter and witch) – Drunk man
DRUNK MAN: Ah yes… beauty is evil.... She is not far from here.
Two-shot – Carpenter and Witch
OLD WITCH: Where!? I must know at once! I need her body!
Medium close-up – Drunk man
DRUNK MAN: Alright! Steady on! She is outside Tesco Metro last time I check, but that was late last night when I was very much toxins. Many shisha and much appletini.
Medium over shoulder (Drunk man) – Carpenter and Witch
OLD WITCH: To the Tesco Metro! (Begins to hobble briskly away – past old man out of frame)
CARPENTER: (Quickly follows, but pauses in front of Drunk man) Thank you friend, I will never forget you.
DRUNK MAN: I love you
CARPENTER: Ok. (Leaves and exits frame)
Medium long-shot
CARPENTER: (Running after witch)
Medium-shot – Witch power-walking down alley, carpenter running to catch up
OLD WITCH: (Stops in foreground, looks around) Agh! We must find her!
CARPENTER: (Just catches up, panting) This sonofabitch needs to stop taking a shit in your curry! Calm yourself. Even if we do not find the witch, today she is sentenced to death anyway!
OLD WITCH: No! You do not understand! We must kill her! The police will never watch a woman that cunning.
Extreme close-up – Witch
OLD WITCH: We must find her. And we must kill her.
Medium two-shot
CARPENTER: Ooooh but I do not like to kill! I am the humble carpenter!
OLD WITCH: (Looks like she is raging) No! (Turns around to look at carpenter)
Over-shoulder – Witch
OLD WITCH: Do you want to be with me truly? Then you must do the deed to show me of you… err… affections.
Witch’s POV – Carpenter
CARPENTER: Do I have to?
Carpenter’s POV - Witch
OLD WITCH: Yes.
Witch’s POV - Carpenter
CARPENTER: Shit. (Carpenter stays standing still as Narration speaks)
NARRATION: Although the carpenter had only just found love, doubt was already creeping into his mind. Be he was so desperate to ignore it.
CARPENTER: Remember last night? It will be ok. Her good side is worth her bad… no. What am I saying!? There is no bad! She is not bad! She is perfect!
NARRATION: The carpenter’s mind was turbulent like a small irritable donkey. It was all he could do to bury it deep inside and throw caution to the winds of the east.
CARPENTER: I will bury my feelings deep inside and throw caution to the winds of the east. (Walks out of frame)
Carpenter’s POV – Catching up with Witch
CARPENTER: (Reaches witch at a corner, they both stop when they see the policemen)
Close-up – tensing muscles, close-up – Eyes narrowing, Close-up – fist clenching, Tilt up- policemen
POLICEMAN 1: Cornflakes…?
High-angle two-shot – Carpenter and Witch
OLD WITCH: Curry.
Medium shot – Policemen
POLICEMAN 1: Oh ok. No sign of her?
Two-shot – Carpenter and Witch
OLD WITCH: Not a sign.
CARPENTER: (Raises a hand) What the fuck just happened?
Medium-shot – Policemen
POLICEMAN 3: (Giggles)
POLICEMAN 2: (Slaps Policeman 3 on the back of the head)
POLICEMAN 1: (Crosses arms and raises an eyebrow)
Close-up – Carpenter
CARPENTER: Sorry for my language.
Close-up – Policeman 1
POLICEMAN 1: Humph.
Two-shot – Witch and Carpenter
OLD WITCH: Never mind that! These are police men. This morning I told them about our little predicament... because… err… of course the gypsy has, as you well know,
Extreme Close-up – Witch’s eyes flashing, Medium close-up - Witch
OLD WITCH: stolen my body, in order to avoid her death sentence at the last minute. She is bound to swap back and let me be executed in her place, in the beautiful body that is mine. Thank you very much.
Medium close-up - Carpenter
CARPENTER: But… I thought… you are the beautiful gypsy girl that I love are you not?
Medium shot – Policemen
Police exchange glances
Carpenter’s POV – witch
OLD WITCH: No, no, silly. I am not the gypsy. I am your very nice, and very pleasant err… friend.
Medium-shot – Policemen
POLICEMAN 3: Bitch just got friendzoned! Owww!
POLICEMAN 2: (Slaps Policeman 3 again)
POLICEMAN 1: Is there something you’re not telling us, ma’am?
Medium-shot – Witch (Policeman3 in foreground to side)
OLD WITCH: I suppose there are many things I am not telling you, but my identity is not one of them. (Attention is caught by Gypsy behind policemen at end of alley) There! There she is!
Whip-pan – Gypsy in alley, zoom in, Medium shot – Policemen, witch and carpenter
OLD WITCH: She must have swapped back to her own body! Oh treachery!
CARPENTER: (Leans through policemen to see)
Close-up - Woman
YOUNG WOMAN: Carpenter?
Medium shot – Carpenter, police and witch
CARPENTER: (Squeezes through policemen, runs forward and points at woman) You! You have cast you last bad spell, witch!
Splitscreen:
Close-up – Woman/Close-up – woman’s fist
YOUNG WOMAN: (Gasps and balls fists) Witch!?
Medium –shot – policemen, witch, carpenter
OLD WITCH: GET HER!
POLICE 2/3: (Both start running)
POLICEMAN 1: (Grab 2 and 3 by collars and hold them back) Wait!
Medium-shot – Woman
YOUNG WOMAN: (Turns and scarpers)
Extreme close-up – slight low angle – witch
OLD WITCH: SHE’S GETTING AWAY!
Close-up – Carpenter
CARPENTER: Now the woman I love will never have her true body!
Over-shoulders (carpenter and woman) low-angle – Policemen
POLICEMAN 1: (Looms) Of course you’d want her captured. You are the gypsy!
Policeman 1’s POV – witch
OLD WITCH: No! I am but a humble woman!
Medium-shot – Carpenter, police and woman (shot down alley – Carpenter in front)
CARPENTER: (Unfurls carpet and steps onto it)
POLICEMAN 1: You, madam, are in no way humble.
Over shoulder (witch’s) – Slight high-angle
OLD WITCH: This is outrageous!
CARPENTER: (Rises and flies away on carpet)
OLD WITCH: CARPENTER!?
SCENE 8
The flying carpet chase scene –carpenter is flying in search of the Gypsy woman
Close-up – Carpenter
CARPENTER: Where the fuck is that bad lady? Oooh god. Why do I always fall for such complicated women?
Carpenter’s POV – Ground moving below, Medium shot – back view – carpenter
YOUNG WOMAN: (Rises on flying carpet in front of carpenter)
Close-up – Carpenter
CARPENTER: (Gasps and speeds up, out of frame)
Medium tracking shot – Woman, carpenter behind her
CARPENTER: You will never get away with this!
YOUNG WOMAN: (Turns on carpet to speak to carpenter)
Medium close-up – Woman
YOUNG WOMAN: You don’t understand! (Turns back to front and sinks out of frame)
Medium tracking shot – back view – Carpenter – Woman in front
YOUNG WOMAN: (Swoops downwards)
CARPENTER: (Follows)
OLD WITCH: (Rises on a carpet in front of woman, heading towards them) YOU WILL NEVER GET AWAY! (Flies out of frame past carpenter)
Close-up – side view – carpenter
CARPENTER: (Straining to catch up with woman) Get…. Back… here….!
Pan forward to woman
YOUNG WOMAN: (Glances behind her and speeds up again out of frame)
Medium tracking shot – front view – Woman – carpenter behind her
OLD WITCH: (Sinks down into frame and joins chase)
POLICEMEN: (All on one carpet rise up and join chase as well)
Medium shot – side view – Police carpet
POLICEMEN: (All clinging to each other to stay on carpet, Policeman 3 sitting on Policeman 1’s back and head, facing back. Policeman 2 clinging onto 3, facing him)
POLICEMAN 3: You’re in my personal bubble!
POLICEMAN 2: (Slaps Policeman 3)
Close-up – Policeman 1
POLICEMAN 1: I’m trying to drive!
Medium close-up – front view – Woman – others in background
YOUNG WOMAN: (Looks behind her and back to front) Ugh! Men.
OLD WITCH: YOUR BODY WILL BE MINE!
YOUNG WOMAN: (Looks disturbed) Witches! (Swoops out of frame)
Medium tracking shot – Policemen
POLICEMEN: (Follow others as they all swoop downwards)
POLICEMAN 3: I’M GOING TO BE SICK!
POLICEMAN 2: (Slaps policeman 3)
Woman’s POV – approaching ground, medium-long shot – Woman
YOUNG WOMAN: (Lands carpet bumpily, rolling across floor, then gets up and runs out of frame)
CARPENTER: (Enters frame flying towards ground)
SCENE 9
The confrontation scene – running through the market to the carpet stall
Medium tracking shot – Woman
YOUNG WOMAN: (Runs through street and market, reaches carpet stall and turns, breathing heavily)
Over shoulder (Woman’s)
CARPENTER: (Runs and stops about 2 meters from woman, also panting)
OLD WITCH: (Runs and joins him, looking violent)
POLICEMEN: (Stumble to join them, forming a ring around the woman.)
Medium close-up – Woman
WOMAN: (Eyes dart from person to person, fearful)
Medium close-up – Carpenter – Witch and police in background
OLD WITCH: It is her! She’s the witch! Policemen, she is the one you are looking for!
CARPENTER: (Still and tense, looking determined)
Close-up – Carpenter’s fists clenched, close-up – low angle shot - Witch
OLD WITCH: This is your final hour, witch! This is your final hour!
Medium long-shot – Woman
YOUNG WOMAN: (Steps back as much as possible, scared)
Close-up low-angle shot – Witch
OLD WITCH: Now she must die! Carpenter! Finish her! If you truly love me you must finish her!
Close-up –Carpenter, Close-up Woman, Close-up – Carpenter, Close-up –Woman, Extreme close-up –Carpenter, Extreme close-up – Woman, Extreme close-up carpenter’s eyes
CARPENTER: (Closes eyes and freezes)
Slowly zoom out
NARRATION: The carpenter’s eyes were locked on the beautiful woman before him. Could he really destroy something so beautiful, so fragile, and so innocent?
CARPENTER: No! She is not innocent! How can I show mercy to someone so merciless herself?
OLD WITCH: (Distant) FINISH HER!
NARRATION: He stood still and silent. His fists were loaded but his feet were rooted to the floor. Fear and doubt flitted just below his skin, sending icy shivers convulsing through his body.
OLD WITCH: FINISH.
Close-up – Witch
OLD WITCH: HER!
Witch’s POV – Carpenter, woman in front
CARPENTER: (Standing tense, turns around to look at witch, terrified)
Carpenter’s POV – witch
OLD WITCH: (RAGE! Begin marching forward, shout in carpenter’s face) Fine! If you cannot do it, you cannot have me! I will cut out her heart if I must! I will have her body! I will be beautiful! I will have my way, and you will have nothing! (lean out)
Close-up – Policeman’s belt
OLD WITCH: (Grabs sword from policeman’s belt)
Medium shot –back view - Carpenter, Witch in front advancing on woman
OLD WITCH: (overtakes carpenter, with sword)
Medium two-shot – side view – Carpenter and witch
CARPENTER: (Feebly steps forward tries to grab Witch’s elbow as she passes)
Medium two-shot – front view – Carpenter and Witch
CARPENTER: No! You cannot do this! You cannot kill her!
OLD WITCH: (Elbows Carpenter off) Yes I can! ARRGHH! (Raises sword above head violently)
Extreme close-up – Woman
YOUNG WOMAN: (Terrified)
Close-up – Witch –slo-mo
OLD WITCH: (Screams and advances with sword above head)
Panning of policemen) - and then carpenter slo mo
POLICEMEN: (Entwined with one another, Shouting and reaching out but not actually being helpful)
CARPENTER: NO! (Begins to run forward)
Close-up – side view – sword being brought down – slo-mo, extreme close-up – woman, Woman’s POV – Witch, Close-up – Carpenter
CARPENTER: (Screaming, reaches out to grab sword)
Close-up – Carpenter’s hand
CARPENTER: (Tries to grab sword)
OLD WITCH: (Brings sword down just in time)
Close-up – Policemen
POLICEMEN: (All gasp)
Over shoulder (witch’s – between raised arms) Gypsy
OLD WITCH: (Brings knife down)
Thud. Close-up – sword sinking into carpet
YOUNG WOMAN: (Still terrified, ducks and rolls out of frame)
Medium close-up – Witch – Carpenter and police behind her
OLD WITCH: (Disbelieving and angry, turns to look down at woman)
Witch’s POV – woman
YOUNG WOMAN: (Sits gasping and disbelieving)
Close-up – Witch
OLD WITCH: (Narrows eyes)
Close-up – Sword in carpet, Medium close-up - Witch
OLD WITCH: (Tugs sword free, snarling)
Witch’s POV – woman, Woman’s POV – Witch
OLD WITCH: (Raises sword again) This will be the last sight you see, gypsy. Extreme close-up –Carpenter
CARPENTER: Gypsy…
Medium two-shot – side view - Witch and Woman
OLD WITCH: I may not have your body, but I will take your life!
C. MERCHANT: (Marches out from behind carpets, armed with crossbow. Standing visible between Witch and Woman) HEY! Which of you is the one to ruin this carpet!?
Panning of bewildered police, carpenter, witch and gypsy. Over shoulder (witch’s) – Carpet Merchant
C. MERCHANT: YOU! You hold the blade that cut my carpet! Now you die!
Close-up cross-bow
C. MERCHANT: (Fires crossbow)
Extreme close-up witch,
OLD WITCH: (Gasps, soft whine of pain)
Close-up – Arrow sticking out of witch – lots of blood
OLD WITCH: (Clutches wound)
Medium shot – Witch
OLD WITCH: (Closes eyes, begins to fall over)
Close-up – Woman’s eyes
YOUNG WOMAN: (Watch witch fall)
Close-up – Carpenter’s eyes
CARPENTER: (Watch witch fall)
Medium close-up – Policemen
POLICEMEN: (Watch witch fall)
Medium close-up – Carpet Merchant
C. MERCHANT: (Lifts crossbow and blows on it) Nobody messes with my carpets!
Medium-shot – Woman
YOUNG WOMAN: (Scrambles to her feet and runs to carpenter)
Over shoulder (Carpenter’s) – Woman
YOUNG WOMAN: (Hugging carpenter tightly) Oh carpenter…
Over shoulder (Woman’s) – Carpenter
CARPENTER: (Closes eyes and smiles with relief)
Medium shot – policemen
POLICEMEN: (Untangle themselves from one another and look around awkwardly)
Medium long-shot, Medium close-up – Over shoulder (Carpenter’s) – slight side view – Woman
YOUNG WOMAN: (Pulls slowly out of hug and looks into carpenter’s eyes) I…
Medium close-up – side view – Carpenter and woman
CARPENTER: (Draws woman in quickly and kisses her passionately)
Panning of policemen
POLICEMEN: (Dabbing eyes with hankies) Aww!
Medium shot – side view – Carpenter and woman
CARPENTER: (Breaks apart from woman)
Sun bursts from between them
Close-up – Carpenter
CARPENTER: (Smiles)
C. MERCHANT: Carpenter!
Whip-pan – Carpet Merchant
C. MERCHANT: You are the famous carpenter who has a constant frog living in the esophagus? (Wait for a reply)
Medium two shot – Carpenter and woman
CARPENTER: (Stands awkwardly and silently)
Medium shot – Carpet merchant
C. MERCHANT: Oh. Well keep it on the quiet, but I think I may have a little something to fix your ailment…
Medium two-shot –carpenter and woman
YOUNG WOMAN: Tesco Metro in 10 minutes?
Medium close-up – Carpet Merchant
C. MERCHANT: (Snaps fingers) Gurl. You know it.
POLICEMAN 1: (Coughs)
Medium close-up – Policeman 1
POLICEMAN 1: What happens at Tesco Metro?
Medium close-up – Carpet merchant
C. MERCHANT: Why don’t you come and join us? I may have something for you too…
SCENE 10
Next to Tesco Metro, Carpenter, Woman, Carpet Merchant and Policemen are assembling again.
Close-up – Low angle – Tesco Metro Sign, pan downwards to alley
POLICEMEN: (Walk up alley to join others – Policemen 2 and 3 play-fighting)
Over-shoulder (Carpet Merchant’s) – policeman 1
POLICEMAN 1: Now what is it you have for me?
Over-shoulder (Policeman 1’s) – Carpet Merchant
C. MERCHANT: Ahaa!
Close-up – carpet merchant’s pocket
C. MERCHANT: (Reaches into pocket to bring out fat wad of notes)
Over-shoulder (Policeman 1’s) – Carpet merchant
C. MERCHANT: (Throws wad to policeman 1) Now you can go away and not tell anyone about this that you are seeing!
Close-up – woman
YOUNG WOMAN: (gawks)
C. MERCHANT: Or on second thoughts, you could spread the word, but keep it away from the authorities such as yourselves… (strokes goatee pensively)
Close-up – woman
YOUNG WOMAN: How the fuck did you get so much money!?
Medium shot –slightly low angle - Carpet merchant
C. MERCHANT: (Beams with pride, puffs out chest and stands straight)
Panning of police, carpenter and woman, medium shot- slightly low angle – Carpet merchant
C. MERCHANT: Friends! I am no longer a simple carpet merchant! I, Muhammad Abu-Dali Llama, am a carpet baron! It was you! All of you bought my magic carpets, my business is thriving! Thank you all very much.
Medium-shot – police, carpenter, woman
POLICEMEN 2/3: (Clap politely)
Close-up – Carpet Merchant
C. MERCHANT: Now! I think you would benefit from a little magic, Carpenter. (holds bottle up next to his face) This, my friend, should solve all your problems which you have.
Over shoulder (Carpet merchant) - Carpenter
C. MERCHANT: (Hands bottle to carpenter)
Medium shot – Carpet Merchant
C. MERCHANT: Oh! (Brings leaflet out of pocket and hands it over) Instruction Manuel.
Medium shot – Carpenter
CARPENTER: (Reads instructions)
YOUNG WOMAN: (Reads over his shoulder)
POLICEMEN: (All gather around carpenter, to read instructions)
Carpenter’s POV – instructions, Extreme close-up – Carpenter
CARPENTER: (Closes eyes intensely)
Medium shot – carpenter
CARPENTER: (Opens eyes, raises arm high in the air holding bottle, throw it to the ground)
Swirling gold mist engulfs scene, then begins to clear, revealing Dr. Monkey- medium shot
DR. MONKEY: KAMALEAAAA!!
Smoke clears – Dr. Monkey is revealed
DR. MONKEY: (Looks serene and wise)
C. MERCHANT: (Leans in behind monkey waving his arm) What the hell?! I thought you were supposed to be a genie!
Carpet Merchant’s POV – monkey
DR. MONKEY: (Turns to look at Carpet Merchant) No, Muhammad Abu-Dali Llama, I am the ghost of Arbed – the doctor monkey.
Medium-shot – Dr. Monkey, carpet merchant still leaning in
C. MERCHANT: Oh ok. (leans out)
DR. MONKEY: (turns back to front) It was you who summoned me, carpenter.
Medium shot – Carpenter
CARPENTER: (Nods)
Over shoulder (carpenter’s) – monkey
DR. MONKEY: You cannot speak (freezes)
NARRATION: It was as if Arbed the doctor monkey had read the Carpenter’s mind…
DR. MONKEY: Yes, I have. Now let me see,
Medium long-two shot – Carpenter, monkey walking towards him- Pan with Monkey until Carpenter is centre of frame.
DR. MONKEY: I’m sure I can come up with a diagnosis… (reaches carpenter and climbs all over him, examining him)
Medium close-up – Carpenter
CARPENTER: (Terrified and uncomfortable)
DR. MONKEY: (Leans over Carpenters shoulder, holding onto his head) Aha! Snaps fingers)
Pan upwards to Dr. Monkey
DR. MONKEY: I have just the cure! You have laryngitis, my boy! Here, let me assist you. And don’t give me any “I don’t need a voice, I’m happy how I am” mumbo jimbo. Just let Arbed work his magic!
Medium shot – side view – carpenter and monkey
DR. MONKEY: (Leaps off carpenter, pulls a maraca from his coat and begins to dance around carpenter)
Close-up – Carpenter
CARPENTER: (Looks uncomfortable, following monkey with his eyes)
DR. MONKEY: (Dance around him, and shake maraca around his head)
Carpenter’s POV – Monkey
DR. MONKEY: (Leaps in front of Carpenter and points maraca directly at him) KALAMALOOO! Punja masala! Targa HUH HUH! Alooooooooo HUH! (Stamps his foot, then straightens up and puts the maraca back in his coat.)
Medium close-up – Carpenter
POLICEMEN: (All shuffle back into frame behind carpenter)
YOUNG WOMAN: (Also shuffles and stands behind carpenter, putting a hand on his shoulder)
Over-shoulder – (Woman’s) – Carpenter
CARPENTER: (turns around) What? Why are you all looking at me thus?
Monkey’s POV – carpenter and friends
ALL: (Smile at Carpenter)
Medium close-up – Monkey
DR. MONKEY: (nods approvingly and serenely)
Close-up – Carpenter
CARPENTER: Ahaa! I am making to speak! (begins to turn around)
Over shoulder (Monkey’s) – carpenter and friends
CARPENTER: (Turns around) Ahhh! Thank you! Thank you very much! My most humble thank you to you, Arbed the doctor monkey ghost! (holds out arms)
DR. MONKEY: (Leaps into Carpenter’s arms – BIIIIG HUUUG)
Medium close-up – Carpenter
CARPENTER: (Genuinely really happy smile)
DR. MONKEY: (Climbs onto carpenter’s back, head leaning over his shoulder) And now! A party!
SCENE 11
The party scene – best scene of the whole film. This will be as naturalistic as possible, filmed using steadi-cam. Intercut low-angle shots of the musician, with shots of everyone dancing. Whole cast is present, dancing, and rejoicing together. Lots of brightly coloured drinks and shisha.
Also include high-angle shot of whole cast, behind Carpenter. They rap:
CARPENTER: Yeah I used to be a carpenter with no voice, now everyone is screaming:
ALL: SHUT YOUR NOISE!
CARPENTER; Yeah, I used to have no friends, I was a disgrace, now look at all my people raving up this place!
Medium close-up – panning of crowd
ALL: YEAH!
High-angle – whole cast, behind carpenter
CARPENTER: I’m the carpenter! I don’t have a name, but I’m not ashamed!
All: He’s the carpenter! He used his carpentry tools and he pulled that babe! (Grab woman, bring her to front, pointing at her)
Close-up - Carpenter
CARPENTER: (Smiles and pumps eyebrows, winks.)
High-angle – whole cast, behind carpenter
CARPENTER: (Leaps to front) I’m the carpenter, don’t you take me for a fool!
ALL: He’s the carpenter, and he made this stool! (Hold up stool at front) YEAH!
Everyone laughs together, high-5ing, Carpenter becomes lost in crowd, then he and the woman cycle past on the yellow tandem bicycle. Everyone rushes to follow them.
Medium long-shot – outside barn.
Carpenter and woman cycle out followed by cheering crowd.
Pan to follow them –they cycle down road. A few people run into frame and slow to stop in foreground.
Medium two-shot – carpenter and woman. They stop at the top of the road
CARPENTER: (Turns to look at woman) So what is your name?
YOUNG WOMAN: Christopher
CARPENTER: Christopher… ok. (Turns back to front, they cycle out of frame)
Medium long-shot – down road.
Carpenter and woman cycle into the distance.
